Wanderlust: My 26th!!!

Advance celebration of my 26th birthday. Feeling so happy and blessed to spend it with my loves!

Life In Pixels: 3 Months

Missing you, dad. <3

Just A Thought: Mom's Birthday

If ever you'll come across my blog, I just want you to know that I love you and I adore you so much.

The way you deal with life is remarkable.

All those times you have an answer for all of our questions are appreciated.

For all these years that you've been a very good provider of all our needs.

I love you and I am sorry for all my shortcomings. :)

xx 

Just A Thought: My Anchor.

Anchor
My comfort.
My defense.
My foothold.
My pillar.

Father's Day
A day I lost my bubble.
A day I lost my reason.
A day I won't be excited anymore.
A day I lost you, my anchor.

40 days.
40 days of accepting.
40 days of understanding.
40 days of wanting.
Wanting to celebrate another Father's Day.

I miss you and I love you, Dad. For ever and ever.

xx

Just A Thought: Tornado

I dreamed about tornado last night and it was so realistic. Yung tipong parang magugunaw na ang mundo. My dad was also in it. I immediately checked the meaning of that dream using iDream app.

the app says...

Tornado in dreams suggest you are very angry about a current situation and are afraid to express your feelings - which you need to - for fear of hurting others.

ACCURACY.

Well, it is undeniably a fact. I feel a  bit down these past few days. I feel so alone. I feel useless. I feel ugly. I feel fat. I feel nonsense. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I feel stupid. It seems like my confidence is deteriorating at this point of my life. Sorry.

Self-pity at it's finest. Dafuq. I am angry all the time. I don't feel like seeing people. Oh, is this depression? Uhm, I don't think so. This is more of a.... drama.

Yeah.

Anyway, whatever! No one can actually cheer you up completely except yourself.

xx

Life In Pixels: Baywalk in Calamba

xx

Just A Thought: Aftermath

"Days and nights had become indistinguishable.

The comforting patterns of life had shattered once and for all.

But the world doesn't end.

Even if anything can happen anytime.

What goes wrong is no one's fault.

We accept God's will even if it is so hard to fathom."

- Mom, 18 days after my father passed away

Burying my father was painful but the feeling of adoration is greater. I salute him for being him.

We're moving on. I can't say we're really okay in a true sense of the word because we miss him. But we just really have to move on and I know that's what dad would prefer us to do.

Just A Thought: Daddy.

June 16, 2013 - Father's Day

10:25 AM - I texted my Dad: "Di, happy father's day! Mag-jalibi kayo? Pagbalik ko nlng. Labyu! :)" ...no response. Usually naman nagrereply skin si Daddy especially sa mga gantong pagkakataon... but he didn't. I was thinking, baka nagsisimba pa... My dad never failed to attend the Holy Eucharist every Sunday with my mom.

- before I finish my shift, I checked my Facebook account and clicked the God Wants You To Know app. It says...

...ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko na may iba pa plang meaning to.

3:00 PM - went to Edsa Shrine to attend the Holy Mass with my colleague. I turned off my phone and listened to my favorite priest, Fr. Dave Concepcion. Sabi sa homilya ni father, wala daw perpektong tatay and I was like, "eh bakit si daddy, perfect?" 

Right after the homily, I turned on my phone. Nagdatingan na ang mga text ni Mommy, kapatid ko, pinsan ko, bbm ni Kathy, text tweet at fb post ni Ma-Ann. I was asking them, "anyare???" pero walang nagrereply. Sabi lng ni Kathy sa bbm, "tawag ka nga sa bahay nyo neng. nalilito ako eh." Tinext ko sila mommy pati pinsan ko kung saang hospital ako didiretso. Sabi ni mommy, "Dito na sa bahay." Kinabahan nko. Bakit sa bahay? Pag naoospital si daddy, kulang kulang isang linggo kami nsa ospital. Kung nsa ospital lang si daddy, eh di sana ang text skin ni Ma-Ann, "Ne, nsa ospital daw daddy mo. Nasaan ka?" pero hindi eh. Ang text lang ni Ma-Ann, "Uy. Kamusta? I heard." "Daddy mo?" "Nasaan ka? Tumawag ka na ba sa inyo?" "Ingat ne. Kita tayo mamaya." ---and I was thinking, bakit tayo magkikita mamaya? Hindi pa off nitong si Ma-Ann.

Hindi ko na natapos ang misa. Pero nung palabas nko ng simbahan, bumalik ako para tumanggap ng Holy Communion. On my way to Laguna, walang nagtetext skin.. Iyak nko ng iyak sa bus. I was praying na sana mali ang nsa isip ko but I was also praying na kung ano ang gustong mangyari ni God, mangyari nlng.

5:45 - sinundo ako ng pinsan ko sa likod ng simbahan. Nung nakita ko si Bing, ang tanong ko agad, "Si Daddy?" hindi nya ko sinagot. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, iba na to. Tahimik lang kami pareho. Nung malapit na sa bahay, sabi ni Bing, "Dang, yung daddy mo..." tas umiyak na sya. Gets ko na. Wala na si Daddy. Kinuha sya ni Lord ngayong Father's Day.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, may tolda na. Ganto din nadatnan ko sa bahay nung nawala ang lola kong si Nanay Joving at ang Yayoy namin na si Kuya Itok. Kinalma ko sarili ko. Alam kong madadatnan ko si mommy. Hindi kami dapat mag-sabay. Pagbaba ko ng sasakyan, sinalubong ako ni mommy. humahagulgol habang sinasabi na "Wala na ang daddy mo."

....sa isang iglap, wala nkong daddy. Pero nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos. Sya ang best blessing na natanggap ko. Salamat sa siyam na libo dalawang daan apatnapu't pitong araw na nakasama ko sya. Magiging matatag ako. May isa pang blessing si God -si Mommy.

Mahal na mahal kita, di. Sana makahanap ako ng lalaking kagaya mo.

Just A Thought: Parents Can (still) Get Us Wrong

Conversation over dinner with mom.

ME: What are we going to cook for tomorrow?
MOM: Sauteed Mung Bean.
ME: Are you gonna bring some for your lunch in the office tomorrow? I'll cook it na lang tonight. (I was making pa-sweet.)
MOM: No. That's okay.
ME: I insist. Anyway, I don't wanna get up early tomorrow. I'm planning to get much of sleep as I can. (or more of a want. Hehe!)
MOM: Okay.

Then my dad came...

DAD: Why is she going to cook it tonight? Bukas na!
MOM: Dang doesn't want to get up early just to cook.
DAD: I'll cook it then. Tomorrow.

......and I was like, WHAT?? That's not my intention! -_-